Jarrett's Diagnosis

I have to say, blogging has been an amazing way to put my thoughts out of my head so I can sleep better! It has been almost 2 years since Jarrett was diagnosed and I keep going back to that day over and over again. SO let me tell you how my life was forever changed.....

It was December 17, 2008, I was working that morning and was scheduled for my 20 week ultrasound that afternoon. While at work we were preparing for our Christmas party and everyone was bugging me about whether I would find out the sex of the baby. Jason and I never found out with Tyler, our first boy, so why ruin a good surprise. Little did I know the Lord had more in store for me! I drove to University Medical Center at Princeton like I had done a few years prior for my first child and I knew the drill. Lay flat on the table, cold jelly on the gigantic tummy and viola....my precious angel on screen moving and shaking around.

This ultrasound was no different than the 15 others I had been through before, but somehow I was uneasy. The tech kept measuring the head, then she would measure the spine too. Over and over again and printing dozens of pictures as well. It was taking a lot longer than I had remembered, so I began to worry. I could feel my breathing become faster and my heart rate was definitely elevated. The tech looked at me and said, "I will be back, I have to talk to the doctor and then he will be in."

I laid flat on that table for 45 minutes just waiting. Tyler was at ore-school and I had to leave soon. I could not predict what was to happen next. The Asian doctor came in and started to scan my abdomen. The he said, "Oh dear we have a big problem!" A problem what the hell are you talking about??? He said in his broken English, "you hearda Speena Bifda right??" I looked at him and said, "what? What is that?" He proceeded to tell me the baby had a hole in his back and the baby most likely would be paralyzed and have brain damage. He then went on to say my child would never lead a normal life and be a burden to my husband and I as well as to my older son.

I felt like I was in a trance and the tears streamed down my face and I began to feel sick. I has never heard of Spina Bifida before and how did my kid get it! I ate well, took daily vitamins and led a healthy life thus far. I mean a Big Mac once in a while was something everyone does, why was I being punished. The next thing the doctor said was, "you do have the option to terminate. Most women do." I about threw up in my mouth. I believed in the right to choose, but my baby was a living being!!! How could I murder it?

The doctor left the room without saying a word. I composed myself and left the hospital. How do you give someone news like that a just walk out? I immediately wanted a second opinion. Where would I go, how do I go about doing this? Why me? All the thoughts flooded my head as I called my husband and told him over the phone while hysterical crying. Now I had to drive and pick-up my son at school. I honestly do not remember driving that night.

At some point the moron that just gave me the most devastating news of my life called me and said he had set up an appointment for a second opinion at Cooper University Hospital for the next day at 7 a.m. I was relieved he actually left the room to do something, but come on. He could have told me this before he walked away!

That night I could not sleep. I mostly cried, but also prayed every chance I had. For some reason God made me calm and composed and somehow I knew it was not as bad as I was originally told. It is amazing the grace and peace the Lord gives us when we ask Him for it.